Not Where I Thought I Would Be.

So here I am 33 years old, both parents dead, distant relationships with my 3 older sisters when we used to be close, still 200+lbs, a crumbling marriage, and I feel like this is it, this is what my life comes to. If it were not for my kids I'm sure I would have taken my own life a long time ago, my kids give me a reason to keep going everyday, I struggle daily with how this life has dished out, and I know I'm the one who has to change in order for others to change. So here it is today just 4 days left of 2013, and I am setting a plan for 2014 to be the year to change it all, that might include some not so nice changes and some positive changes, but none the less change MUST happen. So good bye 2013 you can Fuck off now, I'm ready to breathe again.

MY 2013

Wow where to begin, I last made a blog post back in January, and let me tell you so much has happened, last January I talked about how I accepted god in my heart and was finding me through my walk in faith, I'm sure glad I did because it was the main reason I am able to tell you this today. January was uneventful, so was February other than moms 2 year angelversary, March came and went too then April. April began a very long emotional month, we became very concerned about my dads health, because he battled cancer back in 2010 at the same time as my mom he still suffered some ill effects from it the biggest being he could not eat without choking, so in return he had lost so much weight. We took him to the hospital where they ran test after test, and we were all worried the cancer had come back, and we were put at ease when all the tests came back with no cancer,we were told it was a rare complication from the cancer treatments called radiation fibrosis that was slowly choking him to death because it was in his neck, May came and so did a huge roller coaster, while dad was in the hospital he started showing odd symptoms like seeing things/people that were not there, and talking nonsense that we did not understand, he had oxygen issues, blood pressure problems and he required a feeding tube because he could not swallow anything without it going into his lungs. My sister and I were woken up one morning from a phone call from the doctors telling us he had went into cardiac arrest and was on life support in icu, we thought we were loosing him and were told to say our good byes, but he recovered and left icu, he returned to icu just a day later again in cardiac arrest, and so began in and out of icu, by the end of May beginning of June it was clear that he was not going to recover, he was moved to a hospice care facility where we watched him for the next month age so fast, until he passed away on July 26th 2013. He was 65 yrs old. It's been a long 5 months since he's been gone, I miss him terribly, I miss them both so much and feel like life has been so unfair the last 3 +years, I could really use a break, I'm ready for a new year. Here's to trying to keep this blog updated thank you for stopping in, I promise I will be back.