Reflecting back. 1 year ago!

Yesterday was 1 year that we knew what kind of cancer dad had, and what treatments he was going to need to beat it.
And today 1 year ago mom got told how bad her cancer was and that she would die from it.

Its a day of thinking back and those days are still fresh in my mind.
Lena and I left her house in Edmonton about 7am or so, we dropped my niece Chelsey off at daycare and then we had to drive over to her work place so she could open the store for the other staff.
We took the train over to the Cross Cancer and waited for mom (she was being brought over in an ambulance because she was still at that point in the hospital).
As we sat there sipping our coffee, all I could think about is the fact that EVERY person who walked in that place either HAD cancer, being TREATED for cancer, or KNEW someone there with cancer. Its a place where people are given back a chance at life, and a place where many people get told there is no hope. We had both within 24 hours.
There were people of ALL ages. from babies to the elderly, it was ran is if it were just another day in the office, it was heart breaking to be there. we sat there not knowing that we would leave there knowing what we did.

Mom finally arrived with a nurse in tow with pain meds, mom dressed up in a nice but comfy outfit, she looked good. she had a big smile on her face.
We walked down the hall made a few turns and came to a large room, there were some recliner chairs in a separate little area and then there were beds in a row, but separated by curtains. mom was placed in a bed near a wall, and Lena and I on either side of the bed in chairs Mom told me that this room was where she came when she had cancer last time to have her chemo treatments once a week.
We talked with a nurse, and not long the doctor came in. the curtain closed around us, she sat on the bed beside mom, and introduced herself, she was a nice soft spoken lady, the perfect one to break the news (can't imagine what it would have been like to have a doc that was so cold and heart less).
She started by asking mom what she knew what was going on. (we knew that there was cancer, but we did not know how bad)
she listened to mom, she cared what mom had to say. she checked mom over very carefully, and then told mom, that she was going to tell her what she knew from all the scans and biopsy. you could see in her face it was not good (when the word "cancer" is used, its NEVER good, unless you survived it.)

she took a deep breath and began talking. I don't remember exactly what she said because I lost her when she said "TERMINAL" after that I heard words like "STAGE 4" "NOT COMPATABLE WITH LIFE" "NO CURE" and another big word that says the tumor has grown beyond the lung/other organ.
I broke into tears and cried my eyes out beside mom. she looked over, took my hand and said it was OK, "that if anything good comes from this at least we could say good-bye."
Even during a time where she was just told she was going to die, she still was able to be a mom and comfort us. she even comforted the doctor who told her, she was crying too. mom told her "it was OK, its not her fault." That was how mom did things, she did not care if you were her family or not, she opened her arms with a warm hug. I MISS THAT SO MUCH!
We finished up the appointment, and went to the basement of the cross cancer to get mom her radiation marks to prepare for treatment to suppress the symptoms of the cancer.we then waited for the ambulance to return to take her back to the hospital.
Lena and I took the train back to her work place. it was a quite sad trip back, my head hurt, and I'm sure Lena's did too. we never talked the train ride back, we just sat looking at each other , I can't speak for Lena, but I felt like I was in a dream that at any minute I would wake up from it, and phone mom and tell her about the awful dream I had........But I did not......it was real.
we met mom back at the hospital, we just sat there. she called dad to tell him (he was at work) I don't think it sunk in with him. because it was not till the next day he talked about it with her and cried.
a few days later our whole family knew. she asked Lena and I to not say anything, that she wanted to be the one to tell people.
The next few days came and went, she asked me to return home to be with my babies and do my job as she put it.
I sat down with my kids and husband at home and told them, at first like me and other people it never sunk in, then Aidan started to cry, he ran out of the room, into my mother-in-laws arms, and fell apart, all he said was "my grandma is dying WHY?"
the girls cried but I think because Aidan was crying so hard.
I let them call my mom, she talked openly with them, and answered any question they had, even when she was asked by Edina "grandma are you dying? she said yes, but not today.
When the day came to say the final good-bye she was asked again "grandma are you dying? she said "yes, its time, but I'm not scared, I'll ALWAYS be in your heart" she had a way to hold herself  together, even on her darkest days. she was STILL A MOM/GRANDMA, ....................she alway will be.

Happy birthday Dad!

Today September 13Th marks a day of celebration, today is my dads birthday, another year older, and another birthday to be thankful for.
Last year we held dads birthday at the hospital where mom was, that is how we do things ......TOGETHER! and it will always be like that.......I hope.
This year we may not be right there with him, but I am sure he is happy too, that he made it though the whole ordeal over the past year.
I wanted to write dad a little note, so here we go.

Dear Dad,
As I sit here and write out this little note to you, all that runs though my mind is how lucky we are to get to have another year with you.......and hopefully many, many more to come.
I want to tell you how proud I am of you, for coming as far as you have.
The last letter I wrote to you was of me crying out to you to fight and beat the cancer, I was so scared that not only would we be loosing mom but you too as well.
As hard as it was for you to do, you fought though the cancer and survived just like mom asked you to.
We all wish mom was still here, and for the last year to just not have happened at all, but we can't change that, but we can celebrate another birthday with you, and that is priceless in itself.
over that last 6 months we have seen you go from a guy who did not know what to do with the rest of his life, to a man who can once again smile and know we are all here for him.

Dad have I told you lately how proud I am of you.
Happy Birthday.
I love you dad, from your (wrinkles) Corinna.