the answer when you have kids is easy, NEVER.
There are days like yesterday when i want nothing more than to call it quits, I hate the days when the grief of losing mom just consumes me, I looked at pictures of her, and cried A LOT my eyes hurt, my head hurt, and my body ached. I did get dressed, I did feed and care for my kids, but that's about it.
You can assume what you want, I don't care really.
As much as days like yesterday makes me want to give up, the reality is I CAN'T, and I WON'T. I love my kids and husband to much to do that.
This weekend we are heading to dads to help out with a few odd and end jobs that he needs help with that he is not able to do himself do to his surgery recovery.
I am looking forward to going, not just because i love dad and would go to the end of the earth for him, I like to be around moms "things" just standing in her what was once her sewing room, looking not touching the things she placed in that room, how she had her spools of tread on a rack, how she hung the picture in the house, how she took time to do the smallest things, that made the biggest difference. I am dreading the day when dad is ready to go though her clothes, and sewing room. It will be hard to do, I don't think that day will come for a long time.
Last night i was drifting into sleeping and i swear i thought i heard her voice, it just said "just talk, I'm here." This morning i laid in bed a bit before i got up, just thinking about that, it tells me that no matter how hard the days are i can just talk, she will hear me, i might not beable to hear her (some times) but she is here watching over us, She told us the day before she died that she would always be.
So thats all for today, a blog post that was kinda all over the place, but it speaks my heart.
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