I never in my life, and I am sure my 3 other sisters and dad would agree, that a life without mom was NEVER gonna happen, i mean we all know that death is a normal part of the end of life, but she was not supposed to go so soon, or i think anyway.
I seem to not recall the sign up sheet that said at the age of 30 you would be motherless, the person that I talked to EVERYDAY multiple times in a day is not there anymore.
I have so many people that care so deeply for me and my family and i truly am grateful, but no matter how much support one has it never will be the same, she is gone, my mom died, I can't call her when i need my mom, i will never feel the unconditional love that only a mother has for her child even at 30yrs old.
I cry and scream inside it feels like all hrs of the day and night, i hate this heartache, and for the first time in 20 something yrs i now know what my mom felt like when Grandma died, it hurts so bad, it tastes nasty, sleep is restless, and a refreshing shower is anything but refreshing.
Life now as it will be for the rest of my life will not ever be normal, my normal is all wrong without mom, and all i can say is thank goodness i have my 3 kids, they save me from doing anything stupid, they are my reason for being here, they are the result of how my mom loved her kids so much and taught me how to be a good mom to my kids.
No one on this earth will EVER love me like my mom loved me.
My heart aches for her and will for the rest of my life.
Please keep my dad in your prayers as he is finding other ways to deal with this loss.
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