Today my dad is having surgery to have a feeding tube put in place, because during and after cancer treatment his saliva glands will no longer work, so it will be there to help when he can not eat.
In August he had surgery to remove his tonsils, and while under anesthetic his heart rate dropped really low. so as I wait to hear how he made out, I wait, its never been something I'm very good at but I will try my best to wait till I hear something.
Once again I feel so guilty that I am not where i should be, I mean I know I am to be here looking after my kids and all but I also feel I should be there, I wish I could come to a place in my mind where I know I am in the right place when I need to be.
I know, Why does she not go there to be with them right? I would, but is hard to do when I know I have to be here, and then when I'm there wish i could be here with my kids. UGH the war in my head, some days is hard to deal with.
well until I hear any news, I'll wait. as my dad use to say to me "hold your horses". so I will dad just for you.
UPDATE: just got the news that my dad though in a bit of pain is just fine, they used a local anesthetic and did not react like last time, I hope and pray that everyone in my sister Lena's house (where mom and dad are staying) has a some what restful night that is not to painful.
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