The Fight Inside!

February is here, one of the hardest months for me to get through, its plagued with so much heartache for me, and no matter how much I tell myself to find the happy in it, the sad ones are not far behind, the 14th is our wedding anniversary we will have been married for 10 years, people tell me we should do something to celebrate it but how do you celebrate a crumbling marriage that feels so one sided?, then the 16th was my brothers birthday, he's dead so guess that's just another empty date on the calendar, I miss him so much, I know if he was here I would have the shoulder I need today that is just not available for me, then the 24th, that marks another year that mom said goodbye, she should still be here, I miss her and dad too so much some days it hurts. The 24th also marks the birthday of a beautiful lady near and dear to my heart that has played a very big part to keeping my mind on straight she knows who she is and in case she forgot and she reads this she should know that I love her . I try so hard every day to keep going, but truth is I'm needing a break from the fight with in my heart that makes me want to fall apart.