Geez days like today i just wish it was a bad dream, I woke up this morning and all i could think about was the phone call i had with my sister Lena, our conversations on the phone seem different these days because with my mom and dad staying there while getting treatments its a topic that i just don't know how to talk to her about, Lena is such a trooper though all of this cancer crap that is by the way showing its ugly side now, she works a full time job which some days are 10hrs long and skips her breaks just because its busy, and being the manager she gets the shaft, she then goes home and tends to her husband and daughter, while also looking after mom and dad, i don't know how she does it everyday and still gets up the next to do it again, she is an amazing woman, she is my sister, my best friend, she is the one who saved Rhiannon's and my life, she is always there when you need her the most, I love her more than words can say, and I don't know if she will ever know how much i do.
Last night after getting off the phone with her, all i could think is "i should be there helping" but i know it won't make anything better, and trust me if i could take this stupid cancer away from my family i would without a second thought, its an ugly thing to have anyone go though and i really wish it did not have to exist.
I wish there was more i could do for Lena and her little family, for my mom, for my dad, but really I think the only way i can help is to just listen when they call, so they have someone to talk to ,who is not there, but is there in heart.
This Christmas does not feel right, because of this whole "thing", we decorated the house, i have started to make the x-mas goodies, we are almost done the shopping with just the few last things to go, but this Christmas all I really want is something i can't have......things back to normal, and to wake up from this awful dream we are in. but its never going to be normal, because this is life and we don't have control over it.
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