So in the process of my grief of loosing my mom and healing, have come out of it a changed me, I have not been one to talk about this and to be honest I never wanted Jesus in my heart, I felt that if he as willing to allow good people to suffer from awful things like cancer, or grief that he was not worth my effort.
But something happened, one day I woke up and felt I needed to have Jesus in my heart that he would be able to take the hurt out of my heart and teach me to accept myself and others, he didn't take my brother or my mom to punish me, he needed them in heaven more than we needed them here,I have always believed they are watching over us, but felt so hurt that they were not here, I wanted more time with them and felt that with Jesus in my heart I was better able to allow myself to feel closer, I know one day I will be with them again.
I was really unsure how to write this post, and I know some people will not agree with me, quite frankly I really don't care, I am doing this for me, not for ANYONE else.
So in my life change, I needed to change the fact that I can not continue to push people in my family away, I am in the process of healing the torn relationship between my sister Eleanor and I, we drifted apart after mom died, and we have not talked in 17 months, a family that talked all the time was drifting apart as time went on, the one thing mom did not want.
Also my husband and I are also healing the relationship between his brother, his wife and us, a family farm that fell apart also made us blame each other for it happening and ripped trust out of us for each other.
You see these are all people in our family and we allow bad things like the devil take and manipulate us in our thinkings and actions, and its up to us to keep the bad out and keep the good in and everything else will follow.
This is me, this is my heart is healing a little at a time.
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