Goodbye 2011!

As 2011 is just 2 days away from done, I wanted to blog out my thoughts for what this whole year had brought to me.

I'm not sure what to think of the past year, a lot of mixed feeling about it I guess.
2011 is the year that mom left me. (BAD)
2011 is the year dad was healed from cancer. (GOOD)
2011 brought some of us closer, and others farther from me. (GOOD/BAD)
2011 came in as a lion, and is leaving as a lamb. (GOOD)
but most of all 2011 is the year I learned a lot about me. (NOT SURE)

When the 2011 began, I knew I would be facing 2012 without mom, but I was not sure I could live without her. Why wouldn't I? I'm 31 years old, I have kids of my own, Why would I still be so dependent on mom?
because she was who I am, she taught me all I know, if I was unsure of something..... anything I asked her, she knew it all.
I have faced life for 10 months without her here, and you know what? I'm OK. I have good days and I have bad ones too, but now 10 months later the good days are starting to become more often than the bad, mom said that would happen. not a day goes by that I don't think of her or miss her, but I'm not crying everyday like I was to begin with.

I feel so guilty for even writing/thinking that, and I don't know why.

I was so worried that dad would not be able to care for himself, because mom took care of him, she did almost everything for him, from caring for him while he was sick with cancer while she herself was sick as well, to making sure he ate proper healthy meals, and wearing clean clothes.
 but you know what? hes doing great, mom asked him the day before she died, for him to live, to get up everyday get dressed and live the life she so badly wanted to live.
Dad has become so much more stronger than any of us thought he could, I am so proud of him.
On boxing day, we all gathered together, we exchanged gifts and I was so surprised when he handed my little Rhiannon a present that was a story book, not any story book but one that he recorded his voice in, so when she turns the pages she hears "grampas" voice reading to her, she loves it, I know she will have it forever and one day let her children hear great "grampas" voice. Thank-you dad for thinking of the little things, like mom did. it means the world to us.

2011 has changed me, in some ways good, other ways not.

So goodbye 2011, you have sure been a roller coaster ride, with highs and lows.

I'm ready for 2012,
 hope its easy on us,
we all need a break.

All the best to you and your family in 2012!